Deception

It's so sad when you put your trust into something, and you feel that it's betrayed. Nop, I'm not talking about a love relationship. I'm talking about my job. Well, it's in some way similar to a Love relationship. You put so much of yourself in it. You are happy so you don't care. I was happy to found a job in which, although the long hours, I felt good in it. I LOVED IT! But then, one day, it betrayed me. It let me down. And I gave it a second chance, for the good times. Similar to a Love Relationship, once the love is gone...the inevitable separation approaches. I'm ready, but It's not. So, I'm trying to make it easy for it. But it is desperate. It talks about more stocks, and more work, and more money...."Please Don't go!" it cries. Why it can see is not about the money anymore? I don't care if it can pay me more right now. The enchantment is gone. IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON!

The End is near...It's time to leave

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

- extract from Who am I? by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Today was one of those days in which I wish to be somewhere else. The work is sinking, I know I'm leaving in July to study. It doesn't make sense to be here anymore. But I have to, just a little longer, for the money...

Am I selling myself?